Ships in the Light
by talker32332
Summary: John Murphy setting off for the City of Light with Jaha and his journey through Earth thus far. Oneshot. Spoilers all the way through 2x16.


**Summary:** John Murphy setting off for the City of Light and his journey through Earth thus far. Oneshot. Spoilers all the way through 2x16.

Songs used are Shatter Me by Lindsay Stirling, Demons by Imagine Dragons, and Ships in the Night by Mat Kearney.

* * *

 _If I break the glass than I'll have to fly_

 _There's no one to catch me if I take a dive_

 _I'm scared of changing the days stay the same_

 _The world is spinning but only in rain_

From the minute John Murphy had set foot on Earth, he had never quite felt at home. He never _truly_ belonged. Of course, nobody could say he hadn't tried. He had. He'd respected authority for the first time in probably his whole life, although it wasn't exactly the kind that had always been encouraged. He _had_ hoped – hoped that somewhere there could be a sort of new beginning.

But of course not – not with that boy, the _Chancellor of Earth_ walking around and reminding Murphy of all the awful things that past had laid out for him. He wasn't the only part – that was the worst of it. It was the worst of it because of course they all blamed _him_ when Wells Jaha was murdered, _him_ and not somebody else, without even talk that he maybe could have been framed. After all, why the hell would a murderer use a recognizable weapon?

Never mind that. It just meant that Murphy had no allegiance to those who were supposed to save him and who he was meant to work with. He had no allegiance to those above him in the Ark. No allegiance anywhere, really, because what was he to do, make friends with the filthy Grounders that tortured him until he couldn't bite back his screams?

Of course life on Earth would be no different than life up in the stars.

But _anyway_. Murphy had thought that he'd escaped. That he could _run._ That… that _something_. But he discovered that he could barely stand. Movement was a struggle, and his head cloudy, losing blood fast… he somehow made it back to the drop ship. His feet just took him there. The only home he'd ever had. How fucking sad.

Murphy tried so hard to help. He _tried._ It wasn't that he wanted to kill those he had, hurt those he did. It's just that the _anger,_ so sharp within him, had provoked him to the point of near insanity. Murder. Kidnap. Threats. Hanging. Shooting.

And then he'd ended up dying back at the drop ship somehow, looking across at Raven, whom he'd shot, and trying to retain some frail grasp of humanity. And it's right there, dying slowly, that he looks back and sees just how twisted he has become, and how it was nobody's fault but his own when he was falsely hanged.

And then he'd tried some more. He travelled with Bellamy, saved a young girl, and done his best to keep Finn in line, but of course, _of course_ he failed, because John Murphy is doomed to bring death wherever he goes, and somehow still manage to not feel bad about it, even as Finn fires his gun over and over creating a sea of red, he tries to care but somehow can't see all the life that is being lost, only what disadvantage it will bring. Fucking bite him.

 _When you feel my heat_

 _Look into my eyes_

 _It's where my demons hide_

 _It's where my demons hide_

 _Don't get too close_

 _It's dark inside_

 _It's where my demons hide_

 _It's where my demons hide…_

But in the end, Murphy managed to convince himself he'd changed.

Until Jaha.

He was like glass, John Murphy, fresh glass of a facade all too easy to shatter.

He was a killer. A sinner. Unwanted.

And nothing he did could change that.

Not even the oh so delightful _City of Light._ And of course he knew that. Murphy didn't honestly expect, after everything, for there to be a city where all the pain and hatred was just washed away. That shit was for fairytales told up on the Ark.

And yet he _still. Fucking. Marched._

He told himself it was from lack of caring. Because he had nowhere else to go, so what the hell. He told himself that Jaha was talking crazy with his faith BS. Marching across the desert, through the betrayal, through the burning thirst, through the mines set to blow, racing after drones into the sea… Murphy had made excuses. And it wasn't until Jaha had killed Craig in cold blood, tossing him into the sea, that he realized he _hadn't_ been making excuses. Without trying to, he _had_ changed. Because somehow it now wasn't okay to kill innocents in order to live. It was like the grounder village all over again, with Murphy unable to stop the killing. Only this time he realized that he wouldn't stand for it.

And of course, he wouldn't be the scapegoat for the umpteenth time. That too. Unless Jaha decided to start firing shots, which he may. Murphy was done with him at any rate.

That was the one thing he'd never lied to himself about. Jaha was bullshit with a swirl of nutjob and a cherry of horsecrap ontop. So he oddly couldn't bring himself to care when Jaha left him wounded on the shore in search of his theological whimsies. Screw him.

But he _did_ want to find the City of Light.

Murphy had come all this way for that. And he now knew it wasn't out of apathy. He _did_ want something better. Somehow.

He wondered where Emori had gone. She was the one person who he still missed after she betrayed him.

At any rate… whether the City of Light was real or not was still in question. But for now, Murphy decided, this bunker with its alcohol would have to be good enough.

 _Bottoms up, bitches._

Murphy fell backwards and laughed.

 _Like ships in the night_

 _You keep passing me by_

 _Just wasting time_

 _Trying to prove who's right_

 _And if it all goes crashing into the sea_

 _If it's just you and me_

 _Trying to find a light_

 _Like ships in the night_

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 **Thoughts? Thanks for reading!**


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